The Aftermath

Kian held strong throughout the duration of the Sleepytime Songs CD (which consists of 6 or 7 SIGUR RÓS songs, and 2 Iron & Wine songs), but for the last 10 minutes or so certainly began to sway and succumb to exhaustion.

Laura emerged victorious, but only after I nearly spoiled it by sitting in there with her and chuckling as Kian rocked back and forth and finally collapsed onto his pillow.

Truly a grueling affair. The brutality would scar tender minds for decades. I'm just glad it's over, and we can begin the healing process.

(K)


UPDATE: One night of Operation Lets-see-how-far-I-can-push-Mommy-while-I-try-ever-so-hard-not-to-fall-asleep is down, and I absolutely dread tonight. Maybe we should have used the Ferber method when he was 4 or 5 months old like we did Jackson, or maybe I should have never started to nurse him to sleep, or maybe I should "rub some dirt on it" and deal with it. Whatever it may be, I absolutely cannot stand to hear my children scream right next to me. Why is it so hard for him to change? He proved last night that he is much more strong-willed than I ever imagined. He was a man on a mission. However, so was I. I wow. Take that little guy. You can fight me to the end, but I plan on staying in this for the long haul. It only took an hour and fifteen minutes along with many tear-soaked kisses and butt patting through the crib railing, but it's over and he fell asleep. And he didn't wake up until 645am this morning. I have such mixed emotions on ending our nursing relationship, but I really need for us to move on so I can have my body back. I've sublet my body since December of 2005 and it's time. I need this for more personal reasons that Kian needs it. I hate that I have to be the one to end it. Lord only knows what we went through to make this work. I'm so sad to know that it is ending. Kian, I'll always be there for you, but I need this for me. Goodness, I feel so selfish. I broke down thinking that I was causing him so much discomfort last night. Typically I would have caved and nursed him to sleep, but I cannot do that any longer. It has become too much of a convenience for everyone. Poor Jackson. He proved last night that he will do whatever he can to take care of his little brother. After I sang about 12 nursery rhymes and decided I could not go on, Jackson rolled over and picked up where I left off. He said, "It's OK Kian. Mommy and I are right here. Just go to sleep." And then started into the long version of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Just after this ended, Kyle came in to rescue Jackson. Bless his little heart. He's such an excellent big brother. I hope their relationship continues to blossom. Here's to the next few nights of whatever it may be. If there is anyone reading this that has any words of wisdom, please let me know. We're willing to do whatever we have to. until next time...lc